Once Upon a Time: Why Storytelling is Essential to Your Success

When I was an ambitious young lass, I got my MA in Creative Writing. Back then if you asked me why I was getting the degree, I would’ve answered with an incredulous and self-righteous, “Because I love to write.”

After graduating, each month I cursed that love of writing, as I made grad school loan payment after grad school loan payment, all while still paying off my undergrad degree. How could I be so impractical and stupid?

Then, in the last few years, something amazing happened. The business world woke up to the power of words and story. What began as a burden has turned into a blessing because these days storytelling is everywhere. In your face, finance majors!

So why is storytelling marketing’s latest golden child?

Because it works. Like, really well. In fact, it’s always worked. Since the dawn of advertising, storytelling has buzzed in and out of buzzword territory.

But why does it work so well?

Story makes you relatable. People want to do business with…people — real human people they feel good about supporting. Stories are how they get to know you as those very people they want to support. This means showing the real you, which could mean getting a little uncomfortable and certainly vulnerable. It seems counter-intuitive, yes. Why would you want your customers to know anything about your flaws or faults? Because if your customers can see some of what they think and feel in the details (at least on some level), they can identify and empathize with you. They'll see that you're a regular person who isn't perfect but is trying to do some great things in this world...just like them.   

Story sets you apart. Now that publishing and sharing tools are affordable and accessible and no longer for the elite, this means everyone has the means to contribute. That isn't always a good thing. Every newsfeed is full of stories, endless streams of stories. Every few days, though, there are a certain number of stories that keep reappearing, shared over and over. That's because good storytelling cuts through clutter. Self-serving storytelling is disingenuous and actually does you a disservice. Today’s customers have more choices than ever, and stories are the one of the best ways to differentiate. Tell stories of what makes you distinctive. Story is essential in showing your character — the real, unique, and awesome you.

Story makes you memorable. Stories evoke emotion. Emotion is what people remember. Without a good story, ideas are easily ousted and replaced with thoughts that are more memorable. But ideas that have a specific and strong narrative are noteworthy. They include telling details that invite empathy, which increases the likelihood that they will be recognized and accepted. Take notice of trending articles in your feeds and look at those you have saved in bookmarks. Chances are those that are more long form and thought provoking will include elements of storytelling. The excitement, conflict, suspense, intensity. The articles leave you learning something — and yearning for more — and keep you entertained as they do it.

People are spending twice as much time online as they did just a decade ago (20 hours per week!), taking in an endless stream of content. To even remotely stand a part, storytelling is a skill that you need to master on a personal and professional level. And the good news is it's a talent we all possess. You just have to practice. 

As luck would have it, at this year's skucon, I am going to be leading a workshop on how to harness your brand's narrative, which will give any of you folks plenty of practical ways to practice telling your story. 

Perfect Circle: Busting Through the Maddening Cycle of Perfection

I have a confession to make. In mid-Septemter, my brilliant friend Beth gave me the idea for this post about perfection holding us back. It has taken me over a month to sit down to write it... because I wanted it to be perfect.

Yes, I wanted a post about how perfection isn’t possible to be perfect. 

Nothing is ever perfect. Not even posts about perfection. We know this. And yet, we expect it.

If you wait for things to be perfect — or for you to be perfect or your life to be perfect or your kids to be perfect or the market to be perfect — you’ll be waiting forever. You’ll never get started. You will literally spend years thinking “I’m going to do it…soon.” Soon will go from next week to next month to next year. I’ve been planning on learning guitar…soon…since I was 16. That was in, sigh, 1994.

How often do you hit on the perfect timing of an inspired mood, boundless energy, endless motivation, strong will, nothing scheduled for an entire day (!), and no unfinished tasks sucking your energy? (Note: If you find yourself in that situation often, please comment with your contact information so you can be my life coach.)

There is always something else that could be done. Even more frustrating, there’s always something else that should be done.

We go through this cycle of waiting for things to be perfect, and every day is Groundhog Day. But instead of a repeat “I Got You Babe” and Ned Ryerson, we replay our excuses.

We always think we don’t have time. Since we all seem to be busier than ever, maybe we don’t.  At least not the way we have our lives constructed currently. But think of all the time we waste in a given day. Just cutting back on social media alone would probably give us enough time (and my personal, untested theory is that it would also make time go slower).

It feels like you need a four-hour block of time to get anywhere on your projects. But you don’t need large swaths of time to make a dent, and if you only work on that timeline, you may never get to your goal.

We all underestimate what we can accomplish in 10 and 20 minutes, but for most of us, those pockets of time are all we have. If you’re going to make progress, you need to make peace with this fact and learn how to adapt to your schedule realistically. What can you do in small spurts? What can you do if you take things one step at a time. Like Bob Wiley, you just need to take Baby Steps toward your goal. 

And as you start working toward your goals, don't forget to take time to notice and celebrate the small accomplishments. We always discount the importance of the incremental achievements that make up the big ones. Take time to enjoy the journey, not just the outcome.

Whether you have goals for your business or a personal passion you’ve been putting off, you just have to get started. Sure, starting is scary. It’s much easier to think you’re too busy or that you’re doing prep work or that you’ll start soon.

But if you have a passion and don’t start, it’s never going to let you go. It's going to hang around, cycling over and over as a reminder of what you didn't do. Take one step toward that goal today. Right now. And then another tomorrow. And the next day. And watch how they all add up. 

Game On: Giving Your Goals a Do-Over

When I was eleven, I got my first typewriter. It was a gray electric Smith Corona. I spent hours clacking away on it while sitting at my desk in my humid bedroom before central air was a thing I'd even heard of, writing endless stories about lovelorn teenage protagonists and families fighting about eating leftover pot roast because it sounded like a very Middle America dish, which I guess it is.

I stayed up late hunting and pecking and using up all the typewriter's corrector ribbon, as I watched Gilda Radner on reruns of Saturday Night Live on my 19” Sony that had a remote control and a mind-blowing invention of a sleep timer. Bougie.

The next year, I got my first stereo with super huge speakers, two tape decks and another mind-blowing invention — a cd player. I spent hours making mix tapes, drawing covers for the mix tapes, requesting songs on the radio for the mix tapes, taping songs off the radio onto the mix tapes, and drawing scenes from the songs that played on the mix tapes.  

Writing, reading, drawing, recording, listening. All at a summers-lasted-forever pace. Back when I was young and had all the time in the world. Back everything was possible.

What’s changed?

Nothing.

...And everything.

The typewriter remains in my parents’ attic. My love of creating remains as well. But something is different? Me.

Back when I wrote or drew or read, it was for the pure enjoyment of it. Now when I write, I think about how it needs to be perfect so I can submit it. If I draw, I think about how I’m not very good anymore and I’m wasting my time — and what business do I have sitting around drawing when the laundry in the basement keeps multiplying like Gremlins, anyway. If I read, it has to be something acclaimed that will teach me about style and technique or about how to get my child to develop better sleep habits or about how I need to embrace my imperfections. None of the things I do can be done simply for pleasure.

Most people I know are in a similar boat. They gave up on who they were and wanted to be a long time ago. They go into work and grumble home at the end of the day looking like Kevin Arnold’s father.

Buy why? We are living in an age where anything is possible. Where the old you can shine. You just have to let it. You have to make the time. You have to believe it's still worth it. Who did you want to become? And what will you do today to honor your teenage self to get there? 

Return to Sender: The Reason Your Calls Keep Getting Sent to Voicemail

Every other day, I get a call from the same number. I ignore it. Straight to voicemail. Every other day. It’s someone trying to sell me something. God bless his persistence. After months of being blown off, he keeps at it in the same pattern of call, call, call, call, voicemail. Call, call, call, call, voicemail. Email. Call, call, call, call, voicemail. Call, call, call, call, voicemail. Email.

You probably have one of these dudes calling you too. We all do. Usually a few of them. So what makes some sales folks get the blow off and others your attention?

It all boils down to one simultaneously simple and complex reason: communication.

So often, when a sales rep is focused solely on making the sale, communication common sense and courtesy get coat checked.

How often do you take a call only to have the voice on the other end dive right into the pitch? That might work if you’re a telemarketer selling accidental death and dismemberment insurance, which I’m somewhat proud and somewhat ashamed to admit was my first job — because who wouldn’t buy that over the phone from a teenager?

Most sales calls I receive remind me of the giant-headed salesman on Pee-wee’s Playhouse who torments Pee-wee by ringing the doorbell and going right into his pitch the second Pee-wee opens the door. “I’m going door to door to make you this incredible offer…” He never gets past that point because Pee-wee quickly closes the door in his face and says to the camera, “Ahhhhhh, salesmen!” 

I get why this approach happens. Nervous people under the stress of hitting quotas are eager to jump right in to make a hundred million, trillion, billion dollars. (Another Pee-wee reference; this one of the Big Adventure variety.)

But just like a person in a bar coming up and just jumping right into a longwinded soliloquy about himself and how great he is doesn’t work in dating, acting like that on a call doesn’t work in sales.

What will work? Starting with seven words that when combined are among the most powerful in the English language but are used with a surprising lack of frequency by salespeople today. Or at least by the ones who call me. Do you have some time to talk?

Then take it down about five notches and go slower. Sloooooower. A lot slower. Get to know the person you’re calling. Actively listen. Provide value (real value, not just a sales pitch). Care about the client. Basically be a good human being who is there to help and serve.

It might seem like this approach will take longer to break through to this prospect, but you’ll eventually break through…and not just when the person accidentally answers your call. 

September Mourn: How Saying Goodbye to Summer Can Set You Up for Success

Even with its humidity, sunburn, fried out lawns, and bugs, I’m a summer junky. I love hot days, warm nights, cherries, watermelon, swimming, parks, beaches, baseball, ice cream, ice pops, water ice, the sun setting at like 9 o’clock. (I could go on…) Because of this summer lovin’, the arrival of Labor Day, and its symbolic shuttering of another summer, usually fills me with dread. Even the scent of a slight chill on a late summer morning is enough to derail my early August optimism.

Until this year.

I’ve been listening to a great podcast called Happier with Gretchen Rubin, and in a recent episode, she and her co-host (her sister, which I love) talked about how this time of year — the start of the school year — is the perfect time to begin making changes in your life and life’s work. They spoke of wiping your slate clean, finding one word or phrase as your theme for the year, and then getting started on next year’s goals well in advance of January 1st. For me, someone who clings to the current year, mosquitos and all, and gets melancholy at the sight of school busses, this simple concept was a game changer.

By the time January rolls around, we emerge from the busy fourth quarter and the holidaze only to head directly into trade show season. Next thing you know, you look up, and you’re knee-deep in February, with March barreling down the horizon like the Roadrunner. Meep, meep! 

There’s no reason to wait until January 1st to embrace your clean slate. What steps can you take today to improve the rest of this year and jumpstart next year?  

While I will continue to wear flip-flops long after it’s reasonable, boycott pumpkin beer until late October, and cry the day the clocks get turned back, I am ditching the despair. It’s not enough to simply accept that winter is coming. I have to embrace it. And I am. Ned Stark would be proud. 

You Do You: Defining Yourself — at All Costs

Maybe it was when you were picking a major. Maybe it was when you were starting a business. Maybe when you were switching jobs. Maybe when you were going back to school. Maybe when you were trying to get into shape. Maybe when you failed a class. Or two.   

Maybe it was a guidance counselor. A gym teacher. A friend. A classmate. A coworker. A customer. A neighbor. An acquaintance. A relative. Or two.

It doesn’t matter whom, or when, why, or how it happened; it only matters that somewhere along the way, someone cut you down, and those comments stuck with you. Then, somehow, the comments became a fact in your mind. 

Maybe they called you lazy, or slow, or dumb. Maybe they said you were a flake, or a failure, or that you always fizzle out. Maybe they said you give up too easily or that you never follow through. 

Maybe they started with, “You always…” or “You never…” or “You should’ve…” or “You shouldn’t…”

The world is constantly trying to tell you what you’re not. It’s up to you to say what you are. Stop letting the comments, thoughts, and action of others define you. Let today be the day you start to define yourself.  There are a few ways to stay on track in this most valiant of pursuits. 

Keep your commitments. To yourself. The “to yourself” is the key here. Of course, you should keep commitments to others; that goes without saying. But often, the things we aim to do for ourselves are the ones kicked off the list first. For some, this might be coincidence, for others, it’s self-sabotage. Think about the various times you bailed on your goals. Did you use your commitments to others — your kids, your spouse, your friends, your job — as an excuse, or did you really have too much on your plate? If it’s the latter, there are ways to remedy it. This might mean saying no. It might mean asking for help for something you “should” be able to handle on your own. If it’s the former, there are also ways to remedy it. Namely, stopping the excuse-making and forcing yourself to get to it. 

Don’t underestimate the power of relationships. Good relationships are gold. They can give you a boost when you need it most. Surround yourself with people who build you up and believe in you. Just as it takes a village to raise a child, it takes one to build a life as well. Find your tribe. Find your allies. Whether it’s online, offline (or both!), join clubs of likeminded folks, volunteer, or find the few pockets on the Internet where people aren’t fighting and instead are supporting one another. Your tribe it out there. You just have to look for it — and in some cases, create it.   

Be real about your progress. This goes both ways. Don’t talk yourself into believing you are doing more than you are, but don’t discount your accomplishments, even the seemingly trivial ones, either. Are you really pushing yourself and hustling or are you merely doing busy work — or worse, are you just thinking about the work you’re going to do once X, Y, or Z happens (those X, Y and Z are always getting in the way!)? Or are you putting yourself down and not acknowledging the real work you’re putting in? That could lead to burnout, discouragement, and disenchantment. Keep things fun and be honest with where you are. Sometimes that means working harder, sometimes it means working smarter, and sometimes it means working...period. 

Don’t let others define you. Don’t let them tell you what you’re not. Do it by showing them who you are. As Roger Daltrey (and, well, technically Pete Townshend) asked, Who are you? (Who, who, who, who?)  

Braveheart: Having the Courage to Live a Life that Makes You Proud

Growing up, I wanted to be an artist, a cartoonist specifically. Almost every trip to the supermarket, I’d ask my mom to buy me a new notebook — I still look at Mead 5-subject notebooks fondly. She’d say something to the effect of, “I just got you one.” And I’d explain that I already filled it. All two hundred pages.

Somewhere along the way, I gave up on my drawing dreams. I thought I should get on a more practical path (of majoring in English – ha!). But my big “What If” has always been wondering if I ever could’ve done something with my illustrations.

And while I’ve written about how it’s never too late to accomplish your dreams — and I do believe that — as a woman of a certain age, at some point, I put my drawing daydreams into the “Not Going to Happen” portion of my brain.

Then I found out that an artist whose illustrations and paintings I admired, Lisa Congdon, didn’t start drawing and painting until she had turned thirty-one. While I’m (sniff!) older than thirty-one, this really stuck with me.

When I first discovered her work, I assumed she’d been plodding along in her career since art school in her 20s, if not before. It never occurred to me that someone who started doing something so relatively late in life could be having the success she’s had in recent years.

I immediately bought her first book of hand-lettered quotes, Whatever You Are, Be a Good One and pre-ordered the sequel of hand-lettered quotes Fortune Favors the Brave, which arrived today. When I read what she wrote about her life and living authentically its introduction, I decided I needed to write this post and that she needs to be my spirit guide:

“It takes enormous bravery and determination to be totally yourself, to pursue life dreams that others might not understand, to risk judgment, or to break out of unhealthy relationships, addictions, and habits. It also takes courage to forgive yourself when you falter along the way and to move on after you do or say things you later regret. Let’s face it—none of us has a “perfect” path. In fact, accepting, even embracing, our missteps and imperfections (including the big ones) is part of the journey. And understanding that we all falter, that we are all beautifully imperfect, and that we are all in some way trying to live authentically connects us as humans.”

It’s never too late to follow your dreams, to find new ones, or to live a life you’re proud of living.

I may never start the Etsy greeting card line I fantasize about, but I’m not going to count it out. And you shouldn’t count out your “What Ifs” either. Dust off your sketch book, put some batteries in your camera, read a book for pleasure, sign up for guitar lessons, and above all else — as Lisa Congdon also says in her intro — live bravely and fully. 

Prime Example: Key Takeaways from Amazon’s Awesomeness

So being the over thinker that I am, it might go without saying that Amazon Prime is pretty much my best friend. That two-day shipping has gotten me out more jams than I can count and has made my loyalty so strong that if something isn’t available on Prime, I act like it’s not available anywhere, ever, at all.

Just tonight, I was planning on shipping something overnight (can’t beat that $3.99!) when I realized it wasn't Prime eligible. Gasp! I’m not exaggerating when I say that for a good five minutes, I was at a loss for what I was going to do. I considered alternate products. I questioned whether I really needed the item at all. Finally, I did a quick Internet search found it in stock at a nearby store. I was happy to locate it but dismayed that it required the First World Problem of having to drive to the store instead of paying an extra $4 bucks to have it brought to me.

So when did going to get something in person become my second (or fourth?) choice for shopping? Why did my orders with Amazon jump from 2 in 2010 to 68 last year and 70 already this year? As you may have guessed, I’ve come to a few conclusions about why this particular online retailer has stolen my consumer heart:

Dependability - The free two-day shipping helps — oh, Lord, does it help — but if everything else about Amazon was terrible, it wouldn’t be one step away from joining Google as a verb in my vernacular. I don’t know what the magical Amazon elves (or drones) do to have such efficiency, but when you place your order, you know you will get the correct items, and they won't be damaged, and won’t have to check daily to see if it has shipped. Before most companies even have your order processed, Amazon's familiar smile is already at your door.  

Exceptional Service – Even with all of Amazon’s dependability, mistakes happen. It's only natural for a company that big. Each of the few times they've made an error, their response has exceeded my expectations. The only time I was even remotely ticked off was when they refunded a friend who bought us a baby gate from our baby registry instead of refunding me when I tried to exchange it. (Who knew you should measure an area before picking such an item out?) After I explained the awkward faux pas, Amazon refunded me as well, so I was able to buy a new baby gate, and everyone ended up happy — especially my friend who ended up paying $0 for the much-appreciated gift. With Amazon, you always know the outcome to a problem will result in your favor. On more than one occasion, I didn't even have to return items I was displeased with to get my refund. Who does that? Amazon, that's who. 

Innovation – Amazon brings new meaning to one-stop-shop. It’s almost hard to remember when they were solely a book retailer. They are built on forward thinking and transformation. They survived the dot-com implosion and moved into selling other consumer goods. Then they opened up their platform to third-party sellers and aggregated other retailers (essentially their competitors) under one roof. They disrupted the entire publishing industry with the launch of their e-reader, Kindle. And now between Amazon Prime, Amazon Pantry, AmazonFresh, Zappos, Audible, Soap.com, Diapers.com, Casa.com, Yoyo.com, — you get the picture — they have their hand in everything. They've even created buttons to make it easier for you to buy from them — and they're selling them for $4.99 a pop. Insane.  

Amazon, in its many forms, has made my life easier, so they are automatically my first choice every time I need to make a purchase. They saw the changing landscape and the opportunity it brought with it and evolved the services they offer to customers to reach even more. 

There's no doubt the promotional products industry is in the midst of a sea change. Your customers have the ability to buy the same products you sell from anyone, anywhere, at any time. Why should they choose you? What can you do to differentiate? In the words of Amazon CEO, Jeff Bezos: "You have to ask what your customers need and want, and then, no matter how hard it is, you better get good at those things."

How can you implement the Amazon approach and be indispensable, innovative, and always deliver with a smile?

Think Tank: How to Outsmart Your Overthinking Self

In the last week, I’ve learned something; I’m far from alone with this overthinking business. After reading my last post, friends and colleagues far and wide reached out to me to tell me that they too dabble with dithering. I decided to consult this World Wide Web thing for some solutions to stop the cycle of the overwhelming thought spiral.

First the bad news: since we’re all such individuals, there is no one surefire tactic that will work for everyone to turn off our inner Lisa Simpsons. That said, but I test drove a a bunch of tricks for the most scientific behavioral study ever done, and these were my faves:  

Be comfortable with being wrong. Most often, overthinking comes from wanting to make the right decision. A perfectionist mentality that is impossible to achieve. Once you realize you’re going to make mistakes, and that when you do life goes on just fine, it’s easier to make a decision. Once you make a decision, it’s easier to make the next one. Before long, you have that lightness that only comes making decisions and getting things off your plate, which, aside from having a day with no plans at all, is the best feeling ever. 

Let go of your fear of the unknown. You punch in the number of that prospect you know will be a great fit. But what if you blow the call? You’ll call after lunch. Oh, but after lunch might be too late in the day. You’ll definitely call tomorrow. Then tomorrow becomes a week, and then you convince yourself he probably wouldn’t be interested. All because you are afraid of how things will go. Make the call. The unknown is usually way more forgiving than we anticipate.

Redirect and refocus. So, you know how a toddler can sometimes become obsessed with something, like, say, wanting to drink your coffee and will have an all out meltdown when you, meanest of mean parents, won’t let her. And while she is wailing, “Coooooffrrrreeee” (as though she even knows what it is), you distract her by doing something unexpected like blowing bubbles, which causes her to giggle, pop the bubbles and giggle harder, leaving the obsession with your latte in the dust. Treat yourself like a toddler and use that same redirection trick on yourself. Take a break. Go for a walk. Work on something else. Go get a latte. Take that, kid! 

Your assumptions are not reality. Your friend hasn’t written back, so of course she is angry with you. Your boss never replied to your email, so of course he thinks your ideas are laughable. Your client wasn’t interested in the product you suggested, so of course she is never going to do business with you again. When you treat assumptions as fact, it's easy to go through all these scenarios until you have convinced yourself you're one step away from being friendless, jobless, and never having clients who trust you. In most instances, your friend hasn’t checked her texts; your boss forgot to reply, and your client just didn’t like the product for that campaign. Don’t let assumptions create problems where there are none, even if it’s just in your brain.

Get active. Why, oh why, is exercise the solution to everything? It's insane how much agony we would save ourselves if we just got moving. Feeling super tired? Exercise. Can't sleep? Exercise. Stuck in a pattern of indecision? Exercise. If you do something mentally or physically active (or better yet both), you free yourself up long enough to get out of the obsessive patterns and get into a state of flow. That’s why you get great ideas on a morning run, when you’re walking your dog, and even taking a shower. All the extra endorphins don’t hurt either. While physical exercise has special benefits, trying out new hobbies like painting, making jewelry, and even putting together puzzles like your grandma is enough to get your brain train out of an endless cycle.  

Bottom line: You can think every scenario through 500 different ways, and when it comes down to it, fate and outside circumstances will bring something you never could’ve expected. There will always be variables out of your control, and it's okay if things don't end up perfect. Planning and preparation is essential, but when it starts to hinder instead of help, it’s time to step away to get yourself unstuck from indecision. 

Stop Watch : How to Make the Most of the Passing of Time

“Wow, I can’t get over how fast time moves these days.”

How often do you hear someone say that or something like it? How often do you say it yourself?

Usually it’s said among friends, when you do the math of how long it’s been since you’ve seen one another, or when you talk about how fast your kids are growing up, or when you lament how quickly you’re all aging. Seriously, didn't we all just graduate? 

As a child, summers felt like they lasted for an eternity, and somehow the last decade has passed by faster than even a DeLorean could allow.

There are many interesting (and kind of depressing) theories of why we perceive time to move faster as we age, but the truth is we may never know the reason. Which means, we can’t fix it. Which means, we have to make the most of the time we have — no matter how fast it passes.

I’m realizing there is something that gets in my way of making the most of the precious 24 hours I have each day more than anything else. It’s not my daughter’s lengthy and involved bedtime routine (where we literally include all the characters from Pee-Wee’s Playhouse in her nightly prayers). It’s not Netflix.  It’s not wine. It’s not even Facebook.  

It’s me. Well, it's my brain. Because my name is Aubrey, and I’m an overthink-a-haulic.

Maybe you are, too? Do you debate over your answers on online quizzes like "Which Golden Girl Are You?" (No one wants to end up being Dorothy!) Do you regularly leave items in shopping carts in eCommerce sites all over the Internet? (What if there's an even better sale next week?) Do your Pro & Con lists have Pro & Con lists of their own? (You can never be too sure.)  

Think (but don’t overthink) of how much of time is lost to your overthinking? How many hours have you spent in a decision-making spiral? How many meetings have you sat through where an entire group overanalyzed something so much everyone lost steam and the project fizzled out?

All that dithering and considering is counterproductive. You do it because you don’t want to make the wrong decision, but most of the time, even the wrong decision is better than no decision. (Except for LeBron James' The Decision.) 

So take notice of all the little ways you overthink and how much time it takes up. Take back those hours. Take on more challenges. And get more done, even as your days go flying down the Autobahn. 

Once you commit to changing your overthinking ways, there are a billion books, articles, and apps with zillions of tips, tricks, and hacks to be more productive — and at the top of that pile is commonsku’s Catherine Graham’s webinar From Frazzled to Focused, which is where I realized how much my time my overthinking was costing me.

What will you gain from turning off your overthinking brain? 

Staying on the Road Less Traveled: Finding Your Path to Lasting Change

I moved my trashcan from the right side of my desk to the left side three weeks ago. Yet each time I go to toss something in it, I immediately bend to my right, remember I made the change, and then pivot and toss it to my left. (No kidding, as I was writing this, I did it again.)

Even if the habit is something as dumb as the position of our trashcan (or kitchen plastic wrap — another recent change I can’t accept), they're hard to break. Usually changes you want to make are much larger personal and professional goals: losing weight, keeping to deadlines, packing homemade lunches, building on your pipeline, working out, training your staff, quitting smoking, having consistent outreach, remembering to turn on the dishwasher. (Or is the last one just me?)

Since change is hard even when it’s easy, changes that are actually difficult can sometimes feel impossible or futile.

We all start with the best intentions and come out like gangbusters. New workout gear. New employees. New computers. New Tupperware. In most instances, though, the change lasts for a few weeks. Or a few days. Or a few hours. Or it has a million false starts. 

There is one a simple, but huge, thing getting in your way: your ability to talk yourself into or out of almost anything.

You’ll workout tomorrow. You’ll have that staff meeting next week. You’ll quit after your next pack. You’ll start making calls to prospects next month. You’ll turn on the dishwasher when you go to bed because it’s so loud…and before you know it, Netflix has called your name, or it's raining, or a friend, relative, client, or colleague has called with a problem and taken over your day or evening, or you start thinking of things you should implement to your business before you start calling on those prospects, or you straight up forget to turn on the dishwasher. Every. Single. Night.  

This all does not mean you are doomed to live a life without change or progress. It just means that you're the type of person (and most of us are) who needs outside accountability to reach your goals. 

Experiment and find out what works for you and your particular goals. Maybe it’s announcing an objective or deadline on social media or to a professional group. Maybe it’s finding friends and colleagues to check in on your progress. Maybe it’s using a productivity app or old-fashioned list. If one method doesn't work, find another. 

Your best friend might give you a pass if you miss a workout, but a fitness coach will call you out on your excuses. Find an accountability partner for your various top goals — someone who can relate to your struggles, or at least empathize with them, but not let you succumb to them.

What is the one thing you’ve struggled with changing and who can help you take the leap? 

Caring is Sharing: The Most Forgotten Element in Customer Service Today

Decades ago, when it came to servicing customers — even before customer service was a term — people took the task seriously. If you went to a hardware store, you talked with someone who lived and breathed the business — and it wasn’t just the sawdust floating in the air. Their mission was to help you, and since they knew their business and products inside and out, it came to them easily. Now when I go into a big box hardware store, I’m surprised if I speak with someone who can point me in the general direction of what I need, let alone know what to do with it if I ask a question about it.

Lately I’ve noticed that with few exceptions, no matter what I’m doing, buying, or calling, I generally expect the customer service experience to be terrible. I anticipate whomever I deal with won’t have a clue how to help me and either they’ll make up an answer they think will suffice so they can send me on my way, or — even worse — they’ll knowingly give me the wrong answer to get rid of me.

Crappy customer service can often be boiled down to one thing: a lack of care — either for the customer, the job, and in the worst cases both. 

Recently, I tweeted to FedEx Office to tell them one of their employees did a great job helping me print a parking pass when I was running late for a concert. To be fair, he was helpful (and adorable, insisting I get my parking pass in color because that’s what I paid for via the FedEx Office app), but years ago that type of service was standard; today I was so astounded by it that I was compelled to send a thank you tweet.

So if standard service is the new exceptional, think about how much actual extraordinary customer service and customer care can elevate you.

When I come across someone who cares, someone who is an expert, I want to ask all the questions. I want them to be working every time I come into the store. I want their direct extension, possibly their cell phone, and maybe their mother’s number.

Be that expert that is missing in so many areas of business today. Understand the products you offer; bring unexpected ideas, and stay on top of trends. Learn all you can about your customers, their difficulties, their expectations. Care about them and how you can help them. Because they’ll notice the difference — and might even tweet about it. 

All the Feels: When Content Marketing Totally Gets It Right

Content is everywhere. So much so, our Twitter feeds move faster than the wheel on the Price is Right. We have access to endless information at all times, all in devices in our pockets, for God’s sake. No more Encyclopedia Britannica, we can fall into a Wikipedia rabbit hole without warning. It’s amazing some days. Exhausting others. And it can get overwhelming if you let it.

Once in a while, an article, a video, a campaign is genuine enough to cut through all that noise for a few days in a viral barrage.

You know that piece of content is good if it left you blubbering in the kitchen standing over the sink eating a chicken quesadilla when you watched it. You realize it’s great when you’re still thinking about it months later. You realize it’s outstanding when you decide to analyze why it’s stuck with you so long, and watching it again still leaves you a blubbering mess — although, unfortunately, this time it’s minus a quesadilla.

The piece in question is Extra Space Storage’s video called Parenting Advice - 10 Things I Wish I’d Known Before Having a Baby.

The video has over 1.5 million views, with minimal negative comments, unheard of both for most things on YouTube and parenting-related topics. It’s had millions of people talking, sharing, and crying about the loveliness of parenthood — not to mention thinking about what they should do with all their stuff.

But why?

It’s believable. The people speaking are real. They look like people you probably know, not people you typically see in stock photos. They’re not actors (and if you find out they are, please don’t tell me. Like Virgina, I have to believe these people are Santa Claus!). You want to listen to them because what they have to say is authentic. 

They’re genuine. For each of the 10 things, the parents deliver the advice in different ways unique  to their own experiences, often with funny asides. It feels like they are your friends or older cousins giving you advice you might actually use. They are sympathetic to the gazillion emotions a parent-to-be is feeling, but they are comforting that everything is going to be okay. 

It’s actually great advice. The first piece of advice is from one mom who says, “Everything you’re doing is probably the best to somebody and the worst thing you could possibly do to somebody else.” A dad says, “Be prepared for the unexpected because it will happen.” There's even a cute kid at the end who reassures the viewer, "Just relax. You’re going to be great hopefully." (Lack of punctuation indicative of his lack of pause.)

Great presentation. The production of this video is so on point that I didn’t even realize Extra Space Storage is an actual storage company until the very end of the video. I thought the name was a quirky indie production company. Plus the editors of the final cut certainly studied the Ira Glass approach of the right music accompaniment aiding in eliciting emotion. This rings especially true at the end with the final tip, which I won’t spoil if you promise you’ll watch. Grab tissues. 

It’s not a veiled sales pitch. Even though one of the moms gives the tip, “You gotta to make room for the baby” and another dad goes on to list all the things babies use, I still didn’t pick up on the fact that this was a marketing piece for a storage company, because it’s true, babies use an insane amount of stuff. It didn’t hit me that this wasn’t a feel good video made solely to make me cry until I saw their logo, website and #makeroomforlife at the end. But I didn’t feel cheated, because their approach wasn’t slimy or cheap. Perhaps I'm a naive consumer for missing the cues, but I think the video is just that well done. 

The playing field has never been more open to create and share content, which is responsible for the surge in saturation. Whether or not you hit them with all the feels like this video, if you produce something that is authentic, valuable and relevant to your audience, you will have a vehicle that can help you tell an important story and there’s no telling how many people you can reach by doing it on that most genuine level.

Let's Be Real: Opening Up About Our Off-Camera Selves

In my continuing journey of parenting teaching me a thing or two about life and business, recently something big — and something I always suspected — became clear to me.

Everyone is lying.

Okay, not lying. Merely highlighting. Concealing. Exaggerating. Omitting. Stretching the truth a little. Leaving out a lot. 

We post our best selves on social media. I get it. I do it too. I curate my Instagram as much as the next guy. (Seriously, is there anything Valencia can’t solve?)

And even though everyone knows that Facebook and Instagram are largely highlight reels, not for real reals, it doesn’t change the fact that sometimes all the scrolling, swiping, and skimming we do can leave us feeling like every single person we know (and especially don’t know) has it way more together than us — except for maybe the total weirdo acquaintance from college who makes really scary art.

So the other day I was reading posts in a Facebook group for moms, and I had an epiphany.  It’s a closed group, and the focus is being kind and supportive to one another (which is the exact opposite approach the rest of the Internet takes on parenting). Since the group doesn’t allow personal attacks or judgments, the women are actually real with one another. They offer glimpses into their lives, their insecurities, their relationship struggles, their money problems, their family issues. Sometimes their posts are funny; sometimes they’re poignant, sometimes sad. 

These women provide a look into their lives that many best friends don’t even let each other see. It’s especially interesting to have all these posts juxtaposed against the magazine-spread-perfect wedding photos in their profile pics and the family-in-a-field-wearing-coordinated-outfits-perfect cover photos. If I only saw the photos and had no access to their posts, I never, ever, ever would’ve expected they struggle at anything remotely similar to me. 

Their realness is a constant reminder that everyone struggles with something. Everyone. And that it’s okay. Admitting it makes us vulnerable, but it also makes us relatable. It makes us human.

So be real. Share your triumphs with others, but share your struggles too. You never know who is feeling the same way and thinks they are the only one.

And remember, nobody’s perfect — even if Klout says they are.* 

*I checked and the only person to ever have a perfect Klout score is Justin Bieber, and I don't beliebe he's perfect for a second. 

Starting from Scratch: A Life Lesson Learned from Louis C.K.

I’m sure I’ve mentioned before how I wanted to start a blog for a while. Like I’m talking a ten-years-or-so-while. Maybe longer. When did this Internet thing catch on?

Actually, I started at least six along the way, but they all petered out for one reason or another. Early attempts were generally due to a lack of direction and a basically LiveJournal approach detailing boring details of my life with no reflection on their importance. Later attempts stalled out because of paranoia that every post had to be perfect — even if the post was about how perfection isn’t possible.  

I’d tweak and tweak and tweak the same few articles and instead of posting, I’d do my best Scarlett O’Hara and tell myself, “Tomorrow is another day.”

If you decide, “Tomorrow is another day” every day, you get nowhere. Fast.

So one day, I ripped off the Band-Aid and started posting, realizing publishing what I wrote would help me figure out the direction faster, easier, and more effectively than simply daydreaming.

And while I don’t quite have the direction down (nor the website finished…details, details…), the discipline of posting every week — and having to figure out what the heck I’m going to say — has done wonders for helping me examine myself, explore various markets, and learn more about people I respect and how they tick, in this industry and beyond.

I realized I don’t have to hold on to my best thoughts until I have them 100% perfect, terrified that if I put them out there, I’ll never have another that is nearly as awesome. All this paralysis by analysis is crippling. And so many of us fall prey to it.

All this reminded me of something I once heard Louis C.K. talk about in a NSFW tribute to George Carlin where he credits Carlin for showing him a path to success.

The short version is Louis C.K. — who is regarded as one of the most successful, prolific and profound comics today — used to be a pretty meh stand-up comic who spent more than a decade doing the same typical jokey jokes that were unmemorable and unremarkable. (I can't believe I just called Louis C.K. unremarkable, but he was.) It took him 15 years to build his hour of material that even he knew was sub-par.

Basically, one night he’s depressed listening to a George Carlin c.d. in his car after doing his routine at a Chinese restaurant. (Of course he tells this all in an endlessly funny, albeit profane, fashion.)

On the c.d. Carlin talks workshopping and writing and about how every year, he would chuck his old material and start over. Every single year, he would ditch his jokes and write entirely new ones. This was a terrifying prospect to Louis C.K. (and me too!).

But then, Louis C.K. realized when you approach comedy this way, you dig deeper. You first uncover feelings. Then fears. Then really weird stuff. He realized George Carlin said what he wanted. He asked himself, “What do I really want to say that I’m afraid to say?”

This approach can be applied to anything. When you put what you’re working on out there, you free yourself up to take on something new. And that new thing will continue to teach you and help you grow until you put that out there and try something else. And you keep evolving — instead of worrying you’re putting out your pinnacle of work that nothing else will live up to and instead of waiting for that perfect moment because it’s not coming.

So if you’re feeling stuck, ask yourself, “What do I really want to say that I’m afraid to say?” And then don’t stop yourself from saying it. 

Reigniting Your Spark: Why Guilt-Free Downtime is the Right way to Recharge

The other day, our car broke down, which was inconvenient for sure — especially because we had a hot, cranky, sweaty toddler covered in ice cream in tow. As I waited on hold with roadside assistance, the toddler screams got louder and showed no signs of stopping, so my husband and I did the not-so-graceful dance of diaper bags and sippy cups and he began the heroic trek home with her in the stroller while I waited for the tow truck.

So I sat there waiting in 90-degree weather, hungry, tired, sweating. Yet, I acted like was at Club Med.

Why wasn’t I annoyed about this inconvenience that was going to be an inconvenience for at least a day or two (…besides the obvious #firstworldproblem-ness of it all, of course)?

Because I had a guilt-free hour to myself!

The oh-so-elusive “Me time.”

Why does “me time” sound like such an evil thing? Why do so many of us feel like taking time for ourselves is detrimental to our businesses and our families when it’s the exact opposite? Why do we feel like doing something “unproductive” that we love to do is a waste of time when in fact it can be something that makes us better at our jobs, better partners, better parents?

Even though people are starting to recognize that “busy” is a four-letter word, I — and many people like me — feel guilty for taking time for myself and instead focus on all the things I “should be” doing. 

You’ve heard, “Secure your own mask first before assisting others” so often you barely even hear the words when they are uttered by a flight attendant. But as we all know, those words apply as much to an in-flight catastrophe as they do to life’s cacophonies.

Taking regular, meaningful breaks and time for yourself will help you recharge and be more effective and creative. Don’t wait until you’re sitting in a hot car waiting for a tow truck to take a break.

Give yourself permission to rest and to do the things you love. The rest of your life — and the people in it — will thank you for it.

Selfie Stick: What Might Happen if You Get over Your Fears and Get Yourself Out There?

Growing up, I was super shy. Painfully shy. Embarrassingly shy. Quiet whenever possible. Red-faced whenever it wasn’t possible. At home, I talked non-stop (so much so that sometimes my folks would play games to get me to keep quiet for a while). So at parent-teacher conferences, my parents were always surprised when the teachers told them how even though I clearly had so much to say, I kept my lips zipped at school. 

Eventually I came out of my shell, but it wasn’t really until high school and college. I regret that it took me so long  to get comfortable with myself and to have the confidence that what I have to say matters. 

Regret serves only one positive purpose — to stop yourself from making the same mistakes twice. 

So one day about a year ago, I realized I was largely being a bystander in the industry. I was watching the great conversations taking place, but I wasn't participating in them. I was reading the blogs, but I wasn't writing them. I was listening to podcasts, but I wasn't trying to find a way to be a guest on them. 

It was sort of like grade school redux. I talk a lot. Like all the time. My husband has replaced my parents as the recipient of most of it. (As an aside, instead of playing games to get me to keep quiet, he teases me by playing this song or sometimes this one.)

So I had all these things to say, but I was keeping it to myself. I wasn't putting myself out there.

At the end of last year, I decided to make some changes. I signed up for the PromoKitchen mentor program. I started introducing myself to people I admired. I introduced myself to people at Expo. I went to events that I would've skipped in years' past. I started joining the conversation. 

Sometimes — okay, most of the time — it required me to get out of my comfort zone, but each step along the way, I met interesting people who are full of vigor and advice and encouragement. This industry is really special like that.

I started writing again, and I kept a promise to myself to start this very blog. I had two guest blog posts, the first on the awesome Brandivate blog, and the second on the equally awesome Atkinsontshirt. I was interviewed by the incredible Kirby Hasseman on his show Delivering Marketing Joy. 

Each time I put myself out there, it led to something else. Then that something else led to even more things. I feel better about myself and my work than I have in a long time, and it’s no coincidence that these actions I'm taking are the driving force.

The coolest thing is that everyone can do it. Unlike middle school classmates, the folks who make up this industry are welcoming and helpful. They'll buy you a beer instead of stealing your lunch money. 

Don't live with regret. Take those first steps and move away from the sidelines. 

How can you put yourself first and put yourself out there? What important things do you have to say that you aren't sharing?

Hook, Line, and Sinker: What Can Children's Books Teach You as an Adult?

In the vein of learning things about life and business from parenthood, I realized the other day that children’s books could offer us just about as many reminders about ourselves. The really good ones teach lessons on confidence, are ripe with imagination, and are designed to inspire. And considering primarily I exist in a world of board books and a pint-sized tyrant who demands Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See? on repeat, I’ve barely scratched the surface of the lessons in this genre of literature.

This all hit me the other day when I was reading one of my daughter’s other faves The Pout-Pout Fish, which I can get down with much more than Brown Bear, thanks to its clever sing-songy playful language and fun illustrations. We read it just about as often, so much so that the other day she was saying the Pout-Pout Fish’s signature phrase — “Blub, bluuuub, bluuuuub” — in her sleep. Literally. 

So the short version is that the book is about a miserable fish who is glum and gloomy, with sad eyes and a huge pout.  

Throughout the book, different sea creatures find various ways of trying to cheer him up, to which his response is the same:

“I hear what you’re saying,

But it’s just the way I am.

I’m a pout-pout fish

With a pout-pout face

So I spread the dreary-wearies

All over the place.

(And then this is where the “Blub, bluuuub, bluuuuub” comes in.)

Spoiler alert: Towards the end, this silver shimmery fish comes over and kisses Mr. Fish. This is when he realizes he isn’t a pout-pout fish after all — he is a kiss-kiss fish, with a kiss-kiss face, for spreading cheery-cheeries all over place. Adorbs. 

So during my most recent reading if this book, I had an Aha! Moment at the same time as Mr. Fish.

How many of us going through life thinking about ourselves, “But it’s just the way I am.” It is thought about a myriad of things, day in and day out — shyness, creativity, taking chances, playing it safe. Maybe a teacher or family member told you something along the way, and you internalized it as a belief. Maybe you failed at something a long time ago and you decided that failure is an forever and ever, always fact about you. 

What would this world be like if people let themselves discover their true selves and true gifts? 

The pout-pout fish isn’t a story about “turning that frown upside down.” It’s about changing your perspective entirely because chances are many of the negative things you believe about yourself aren’t true. He was a kiss-kiss fish all along, just as you've been creative all along or assertive all along or a sales person all along.  

Who is waiting to come out when you challenge your own status quo?

With Little Help From My Friends: Riding the Wave of the Right Relationships

I have a brilliant pal named Beth, also known as Mod Betty, who writes a tremendous blog, does an awesome video series, and even hosts vintage-inspired events. I’ve watched her grow her retro empire from the very first post. It’s been a labor of love, she’s never given up on it, and the love for what she does shows and has contributed to her success.

She once told me something that has stuck with me all these years later. Often if she’s doing something intimidating, before she starts the task or walks into the room where the intimidating thing will take place, she pictures all the encouraging people in her life behind her, at her back to protect her, support her, and guide her through the door.

That image has always stayed with me, the thought of having all the people who believe in me as a figurative entourage to back me up. Sometimes I will even bring a bracelet that she and another friend gave me with Mary Tyler Moore charms (because I’m going to make it after all).

The support, confidence, and encouragement of our friends, family, coworkers, and even clients are more powerful that we often give credit. Sometimes their belief in you is what can finally make you believe in yourself.

Surround yourself with people who inspire you. Use their success to push you. Learn from it and learn from them. Get to know them and their challenges and how they overcome them.

Keep a personal brag book. When someone gives you a pat on the back in an email, save it. If someone gives you kudos in person, document it. If you receive a note from a customer, file it. Return to these things on days you need a reminder how awesome you are when you don’t feel it.

Don’t let the turkeys get you down. I had a shirt that said this in the 90s, and I wish I still had it. If someone is going through something and is feeling down, obviously you should support them. However, there are people — coworkers, acquaintances, family members, parents of your kids’ friends — who are just so negative they want to bring people down with them and there is no changing them. Steer clear of these people. Block your ears and la la la all the way away from them. This includes the vultures on the Internet. They are worse than turkeys.

Take a look at your relationships, both personally and professionally and how they make you feel. Sometimes it requires a look in the mirror too, but you’ll see a difference if you surround yourself with kind, positive, inspirational people. You’ll see a double difference if you are one of those types of people yourself. 

Million Dollar Question: What’s the Worst That Could Happen?

There’s something you want to do that’s been nagging at you for a while. I know it. It shows up on your list of goals for the coming year. Each year. It’s outlasted Dick Clark. But for some reason you haven’t done it.

Because you’re afraid.

Maybe you’re afraid of failure. Maybe you’re afraid of success and what that could bring. Maybe you’re afraid of seeming like a novice? Maybe you’re afraid you’ll look foolish.

But when you want to take that step into uncharted territory — whether it’s a bucket list-level achievement like starting your own business or something smaller like showing a new product line — ask yourself one thing to free yourself from the chains of fear.

What’s the worst that could happen?

Most often, the worst thing that could happen is not actually all that bad. Maybe you'll hear no. Maybe you’ll stumble. Maybe you won’t know all the answers. Maybe you’ll feel out of place. In most cases, if you think about the worst thing that could happen, you can see it's worth doing the action or at least giving it a try. 

The only time the worst that could happen is a problem is when you don’t take chances, or don’t take the changes in the industry seriously, or don’t learn about new products. It’s when you don’t adapt to changes in technology and consumer expectations. When you don’t present a new product because you’re nervous you won’t represent it right.

Because the worst thing that could happen then is that your competition will be out there giving it a shot and your clients could become theirs. And there’s no hyperbole in saying that’s the worst.